This is my response to an email in the NIGERIAN CHRISTIAN
SINGLES FORUM
[http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nigerianxtiansingles/message/4384]. I hope
you'll find it helpful.
Hi Guys,
I have followed some of the threads in
this House with keen interest, especially the ones that are gender-sensitive as
this particular mail. I also read with similar gusto all the arguments thrown
back and forth, nodding at some, imbibing some, and discarding some altogether.
However, am quite alarmed to realise
that since the inception this Forum some four years ago, virtually all of the
gender-sensitive mails we have received herein are more inclined in favour of
the women; it is either "How to Treat a Woman", "What Does A Woman
Want", “How To Take Care of A Woman”, "How To Love/Show Affection to
a Woman", "How to Choose Your Man" etc etc (There are about 888
mails focused on Women, what they want, desire, like, aim, should go for,
should choose, among others, on the message board). And the heated debate that
usually ensues when there is a slight counter opinion, especially when a
brother flaws some of the positions, is always amusing. No doubt, most of our
sisters here are very eloquent; they know how to marshal their arguments and
defend their folks. Perhaps this is because women are more vocal than men and
tend to express themselves more freely in comparison.
However, after reading this last
mail by our dear sister, I began to ruminate over a number of things:
1.
Aren’t the women being too self-centred
by their obsession with what/who they want, and how/where/why/when they want
him?
2.
Do women take time to find out what
the kind of man they desire want and try work on or adjust themselves to give
it/them to him the way he wants it/them?
3.
In fact, who should do the
wanting/desiring the most, is it the man or the woman? It seems that the
clamour of the wants/desires of the women have muffled the voice of some men
and bludgeoned them into trying to be desirable and acceptable to the woman at
the expense of their own distinct identity.
Going by the origin and the order of
creation, it is pertinent to note that a woman was created for the man, not the
other way round. I guess that requires reiteration, God created a woman because
of the man: to help and complement him in his assignments. I hope our sisters
would learn from this and not regard it as some chauvinistic positions.
Having established this foreground,
the onus then lies on the woman is to find the man whom she was created/meant
to complement; while the man has to seek the woman who will be comparable to
him in his God-given assignments.
How each party goes about doing this
is a discussion for another day. But suffice to say that this primarily hinges
on the discovery and fulfilling of one’s PURPOSE in life [You may read my blog
post on the phenomenon of purpose here http://macbethology.blogspot.com/2008/06/23-facts-about-your-purpose-in-life.html).
A man that has discovered and is
living his purpose in life will be able to identify the woman who will be
comparable to him as a wife. Similarly, a woman who knows the calling of God
upon her life will instinctively know “the man” when he surfaces in her world.
This is beyond such superficial factors, such as physical and/or mental
attributes, that are being bandied around in email forwards and other public
spaces.
My thinking is that if women
(especially those who are yet to marry) can take time to reflect on these and
do an honest appraisal/inventory, attracting and identifying the so called Mr.
Right will not be an incubus.
Please let’s take our attention off
the shadows and focus on the substance.
Shalom!
Babatunde
