THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE

What is Fear?
The overriding cause of fear is an excessive preoccupation with the Self.

Types of Fear: 
1. Fear of Failure
2. Fear of Making Mistakes
3. Fear of rejection
4. Fear of change
5. Fear of confrontation
6. Fear of loss
7. Fear of success!
8. Fear of the Unknown

The biggest barrier that most people have to overcome is fear. It is this fear (and all of its cousins like worry, anxiety, and self-doubt) that paralyses you, and keeps you from succeeding.

EFFECTS OF FEAR
No matter how foolish or humorous another person’s fears may seem to us, our own seem serious. If allowed to control our lives, fear can be a permanent detour on the success journey, stopping us from making any progress.

Fear breeds Inaction Inaction leads to Lack of Experience Lack of Experience fosters Ignorance; and Ignorance breeds Fear - John Maxwell

OTHER EFFECTS OF FEAR

• Procrastination
• Sluggishness
• Not taking Initiative
• Laziness & Indecision
• Timidity
• Introversion
• Reticence (Uncommunicative)
• Inactivity 

ANTIDOTES
Dream: Your dream is one of the most effective antidotes for fear. It can fuel the flames of desire within you until you are willing to confront and overcome your fear. Your dream can help you go where you are afraid to go and do what you are afraid to do. Your dream can provide the spark that will turn your fear to fire.

Action: Action is the only antidote for fear. Act in spite of fear, and the death of fear is certain. When it comes to dealing with fear, you have 3 choices:

1. Try to avoid it altogether. But that means staying away from every known or potential fear-producing person, place thing, or situation.

2. Hope that it will go away. But that’s like hoping for a fairy godmother to rescue you.

3. Face it and overcome it Discover the foundation of fear. Most of the fears we face every day are not based on facts. They are generated by our feelings. For example, a study conducted by the University of Michigan showed the following: 

• 60 per cent of our fears are totally unwarranted; they never come to pass 
• 20 per cent of our fears are focused on our past, which is completely out of our control 
• 10 per cent of our fears are based on things so petty that they make no difference in our lives 
• Of the remaining 10 per cent, only 4 to 5 per cent could be considered justifiable.

These statistics show that any time or energy you give to fear is totally wasted and counterproductive 95 per cent of the time. 

10 SIMPLE WAYS TO KNOW YOU ARE IN THE JOB

Dear friends,

I found myself in the meditation mode not long ago and the object of my rumination was why some people seem to derive so much fun in their jobs – bubbling in their productivity therein – while some only do the required rounds, watch the clock and tick the day.

I know this is a much-discussed issue in the career industry worldwide, with various postulations and sophisticated theories. So, I was under no illusion that I was going to come up with a groundbreaking solution that would land me a Nobel Prize for solving a nagging human problem. However, the Pilot of my flight of consciousness was not discouraged but kept on conducting me to a point where I was able to capture some bits on what usually separates an excited worker from a placid one.

The distinguishing factor is interest – borne out of the natural configuration of each individual. It is a fact that we are not all wired the same way; even identical twins may not have identical emotional sparks. Therefore, individual interest plays an important role in job gratification, which in turn results in productivity. That does not discountenance some external or psychological variables that may facilitate or hinder job performance, such as remuneration, work environment, and self-esteem, to mention a few.

So, on the fulcrum of interest only, I came up with the following 10 submissions that will help an individual to ascertain what kind of job s/he is naturally cut out for, and if s/he is presently engaged in one. I’m not sure the list below can be described as authoritative, neither is it exhaustive; so, I’ll welcome inputs from you guys.

Ok, now to the titbits: how do you identify the job you are naturally cut out for or ascertain the one you are doing now is it?

1.    You will enjoy doing what you do, and it won’t be a drag or drudgery to you.

2.    Time will not be “of the essence”, and you will not be watching it since you can start whenever you like and end whenever you like. I agree that this one may be a hard pill for the apostles of structure to swallow. But, check it out in the lives of those who are all fired up about their job.

3.    You flow seamlessly into the work, with minimal or no friction anytime, any day, and in most places. You also hand off your work with a teeny feeling of reluctance, but a soothing sense of accomplishing something.

4.    You are doing something by which people generally hail you or associate you whenever they see you or thoughts of you pop up on their mind.

5.    Money is not a major consideration for doing what you are doing. Although it is a necessity of life and a viable motivation factor, your primary drive is derived from your sheer involvement in and satisfaction with what you are doing.

6.    You want to learn all you can about the vocation, or certain aspects of it where you feel you can still be better.

7.    You want to make everyone who comes into contact with you an artisan in the vocation. You want to teach them, help them, guide them, and/or instruct them on how to do it. And you will be willing to do all these, even at no fee.

8.    You want to passionately defend, justify, or clarify certain notions about the vocation, or its operational aspects, that you feel is wrongly bandied or misconstrued by people.

9.    You are agitated when you see people who are similarly engaged doing the same work the way it ought not to be done, either by underperforming, under-delivering, or not conforming to certain norms and standards pertaining to it.

10. You eagerly look forward to getting up from bed every day you have to work to get on the task or an assignment you have in hand. And you won’t mind sleeping late engaged in what you are doing. In the event you are busy doing something else, you are not so excited and you can’t wait to be done with it to get back to your love vocation.

Like I mentioned, this list is neither authoritative nor exhaustive. You may be presently engaged in the job you are naturally cut out for and not find yourself in any of the above bits. We will like to learn your own slant to this.

Cheers!

ADDING VALUE

TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE COUNTS

You are adding value to people when your encounters with them

Make their eyes shine brightly, 

Make them smile, 

Make them say “thank you,” 

Make them eager to talk to you or desire to be in your company.

On the other hand, you are depleting from people if every day your encounters with them 

Make them frown, 

Make them look or groan, “Oh no, not again!” 

Make them say “I’m sorry” quite often, or they avoid you as much as they can.

WHAT ABOUT ASKING "WHAT DO MEN WANT"?

I have followed some of the threads in this House with keen interest, especially the ones that are gender-sensitive as this particular mail. I also read with similar gusto all the arguments thrown back and forth, nodding at some, imbibing some, and discarding some altogether.

However, am quite alarmed to realise that since the inception this Forum some four years ago, virtually all of the gender-sensitive emails we have received herein are more inclined in favour of the women; it is either "How to Treat a Woman",

"What Does A Woman Want", “How To Take Care of A Woman”, "How To Love/Show Affection to a Woman", "How to Choose Your Man" etc etc (There are about 888 emails focused on Women, what they want, desire, like, aim, should go for, should choose, among others, on the message board). And the heated debate that usually ensues when there is a slight counter opinion, especially when a brother flaws some of the positions, is always amusing. No doubt, most of our sisters here are very eloquent; they know how to marshal their arguments and defend their folks. Perhaps this is because women are more vocal than men and tend to express themselves more freely in comparison.

However, after reading this last mail by our dear sister, I began to ruminate over a number of things:

1.           Aren’t the women being too self-centred by their obsession with what/who they want, and how/where/why/when they want him?

2.           Do women take time to find out what the kind of man they desire to want and try work on or adjust themselves to give it/them to him the way he wants it/them?

3.           In fact, who should do the wanting/desiring the most, is it the man or the woman? It seems that the clamour of the wants/desires of the women have muffled the voice of some men and bludgeoned them into trying to be desirable and acceptable to the woman at the expense of their own distinct identity.

Going by the origin and the order of creation, it is pertinent to note that a woman was created for the man, not the other way round. I guess that requires reiteration, God created a woman because of the man: to help and compliment him in his assignments. I hope our sisters would learn from this and not regard it as some chauvinistic positions.

Having established this foreground, the onus then lies on the woman is to find the man whom she was created/meant to complement; while the man has to seek the woman who will be comparable to him in his God-given assignments.

How each party goes about doing this is a discussion for another day. But suffice to say that this primarily hinges on the discovery and fulfilling of one’s PURPOSE in life [You may read my blog post on the phenomenon of purpose herehttp://macbethology.blogspot.com/2008/06/23-facts-about-your-purpose-in-life.html).

A man that has discovered and is living his purpose in life will be able to identify the woman who will be comparable to him as a wife. Similarly, a woman who knows the calling of God upon her life will instinctively know “the man” when he surfaces in her world. This is beyond such superficial factors, such as physical and/or mental attributes, that are being bandied around in email forwards and other public spaces.

My thinking is that if women (especially those who are yet to marry) can take time to reflect on these and do an honest appraisal/inventory, attracting and identifying the so-called Mr Right will not be an incubus.

Please let’s take our attention off the shadows and focus on the substance.

Shalom!

Babatunde

IN SEARCH OF CAREER OR BUSINESS SUCCESS?

When seeking the roadmap to success in career and business, you must essentially look in three places:

1.             LOOK UP: to God for instructions, the blueprint of what you are meant to do, the direction detailing how you are to go about it, when, where and for His favour,

2.             LOOK INWARD: inside yourself and do a written inventory of your strengths, your skills, your flairs, your talents and the gifts of God in you that have commercial potential, and finally

3.             LOOK OUT: for opportunities in the marketplace where the application of your endowments will prove both useful and profitable. Look out for people who can be of use to you as service providers, mentors, strategic partners, amongst others.

These three steps are by no means exhaustive in accomplishing business/career success. But they sure can get you on the path if you do them rightly.

To your success!

THE AWAKENING

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process, a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into, to begin with ... and in the process, you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there are power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.

You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve the success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

HOW TO MAXIMISE YOUR POTENTIALS

WHAT IS POTENTIAL?

Dictionary Definitions:

Capacity to develop the capacity or ability for future development or achievement. – Microsoft® Encarta® Dictionary

Natural abilities or qualities that may possibly develop and make someone or something very successful or useful. – Longman Dictionary

The inherent capacity for coming into being. – WordWeb Dictionary

A Personal Definition:

Potentials are the gifts, the talents, the endowments, the riches, the resources as well as the blessings inherent in a human that are yet to be expressed in his/her actions, interactions and works. Once these find expression, they cease to be called potential and then become skills and abilities.

HOW CAN YOU DISCOVER YOUR POTENTIAL?

¡ By self-examination and reflection

¡ By self-expression in various activities

¡ By being adventurous, and learning from trials and errors

¡ At formal training such as workshops, seminars, conferences etc

¡ Through informal interactions with families, friends, colleagues etc

¡ Through divine revelation

¡ By chance and unpremeditated happenings

¡ During a coaching session

HOW CAN YOU LIVE/MAXIMISE YOUR POTENTIAL?

¡ By setting life and project goals

¡ By drawing up a roadmap to achieve the set goals

¡ By always taking actions – instead of idling away or procrastinating

¡ By holding yourself accountable for living out your potential

¡ By adopting a steward’s posture toward your potential, knowing full well that you will have to give account to God, the Depositor for whatever potential has been besotted to you (remember the parable of the talents in the Bible)

¡ By making the most of time and opportunities, and wasting none

¡ By giving of yourself whenever occasion demands

¡ By getting a mentor or an accountability partner who will guide or hold you accountable to your ideas

MEANS OF EXPRESSING ONE’S POTENTIALS

Potentials are expressed through the following:

• Actions
• Interactions
• Works
• Service

AVENUES FOR EXPRESSING ONE’S POTENTIALS

• The family
• The workplace
• Business ventures and entrepreneurship
• The society
• The church or other voluntary societies

SOME QUOTES ON POTENTIALS

The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence. - Eddie Robinson

The potential for greatness lives within each of us. The key to achieving greatness is found when we discover and then develop our dream. - John Maxwell

Adventure isn't hanging on a rope off the side of a mountain. Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential. - John Amatt

No one fulfils his purpose, develops his potential, or consistently help others without goals. Your goals determine your priorities – and your priorities determine whether you’ll reach your goals. - John Maxwell

Nothing is more effective when it comes to reaching potential than the commitment to personal growth. - John Maxwell

Continuous effort – not strength or intelligence – is the key to unlocking our potential. Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British prime minister during WWII

I’d rather reach 90 percent of my potential with plenty of mistakes than reach only 10 percent with a perfect score. - John Maxwell

To keep moving to a higher level and reach your potential, you… have to be willing to… trade security for significance. - John Maxwell

We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. - Ellen Goodman