Speaking for
Personal Development
Speaking, the second communication skill that humans involve in mostly,
is our next focus. And we shall look at
it in the light of “how” it can be used for various forms of personal
development.
Speaking for Emotional Development
Self-disclosure is perhaps the most important way to use the spoken
words for emotional wholeness. Tardy and Dindia (1997:213) define
self-disclosure as “the process whereby people verbally reveal themselves to
others”. Many people have bottled-up secrets, fears, and feelings of inadequacy
which they would not share/reveal with/to someone else for fear of being
rejected or dropping in such person’s esteem. And so they continue to tag along
in life, wearing cheerful countenance, preferring to bear alone the agony of
their challenges rather than the risk of sharing it with someone else.
Osborne (1997:9), remarking on this phenomenon, says:
Each
of us is in a state of tension between the need to reveal and the need to
conceal ourselves. We have an urge to
share our true feelings, but we fear that we shall become vulnerable, that we
shall be rejected or criticized. As a
result, we tend to settle for commonplace discussions about the
superficialities of life.
Most people are ignorant of the fact that such
dammed up tensions may lead to all kinds of neurosis or outright insanity. The
best way, therefore, to attain emotional healthiness is to have one or two
confidante(s) among your friends whom you can unburden to regularly. The irony
of self-disclosure is that the revelation that most fear would drive people
away from them usually have the opposite effect, as the person entrusted with
such confidence about the weaknesses and inadequacies of his friend usually
ends up understanding, respecting and loving him the more. Osborne (1997:23-24)
further expatiates on this:
Invisible
barriers prevent us from knowing and loving each other… loneliness and sense of
isolation are experienced by reluctance to reveal ourselves to others for fear
of rejection… the more others learn about us, the easier it is for them to
accept and love us. No one can love a
mask. As we remove our mask we find ourselves being accepted at a new level…
You may never have thought of yourself as lonely, but the feeling is there just
the same, unless you have broken through the barrier of your fear of
rejection. And when you can reveal your
true self, however slightly, you will find yourself accepted and loved at a new
level…. you will come to know yourself, while revealing yourself to others for
fear of being known by others is no greater than our fear of knowing ourselves.
The second way to use speaking for emotional development is through
affirmation. Affirmation is the act of stating as obvious what you want to be,
even when all indications are pointing to the contrary. Fieger (2004),
commenting on this concept says:
The
words you speak, to yourself and others, define the quality and the content of
your thoughts and beliefs, AND, they affirm your reality. Therefore, you must
always talk about that which you desire to be made manifest in your life. Why waste your breath talking about
trivialities, when you can be talking about what is really important to you?
Although the concept of affirmation may sound nonsensical to some
people, the truth is that it holds a great potential for personal
transformation for anyone who faithfully observes it. A man who cultivates the
habit of speaking positively (to himself) in terms of what he is getting or
doing rather than what he does not have is sure to have a positive attitude. He
will also have Providence opening his generous doors to him at every turn.
While the man who incessantly bemoans his lack and inabilities may never cease
experiencing difficulties. The Bible sums up this human experience thus: “The
power of life and death is in the tongue, and those who love it will eat its
fruit (Proverbs 18:21).