THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE

What is Fear?
The overriding cause of fear is excessive preoccupation with the Self. 

Types of Fear: 
1. Fear of Failure 
2. Fear of Making Mistakes 
3. Fear of rejection 
4. Fear of change 
5. Fear of confrontation 
6. Fear of loss 
7. Fear of success! 
8. Fear of the Unknown 

The biggest barrier that most people have to overcome is fear. It is this fear (and all of its cousins like worry, anxiety, and self-doubt) that paralyses you, and keeps you from succeeding. 

EFFECTS OF FEAR
No matter how foolish or humorous another person’s fears may seem to us, our own seem serious. If allowed to control our lives, fear can be a permanent detour on the success journey, stopping us from making any progress. 

Fear breeds Inaction Inaction leads to Lack of Experience Lack of Experience fosters Ignorance; and Ignorance breeds Fear - John Maxwell 

OTHER EFFECTS OF FEAR

• Procrastination
• Sluggishness
• Not taking Initiative
• Laziness & Indecision
• Timidity
• Introversion
• Reticence (Uncommunicative)
• Inactivity 

ANTIDOTES
Dream: Your dream is one of the most effective antidotes for fear. It can fuel the flames of desire within you until you are willing to confront and overcome your fear. Your dream can help you go where you are afraid to go and do what you are afraid to do. Your dream can provide the spark that will turn your fear to fire. 

Action: Action is the only antidote for fear. Act in spite of fear, and the death of fear is certain. When it comes to dealing with fear, you have 3 choices: 

1. Try to avoid it altogether. But that means staying away from every known or potential fear-producing person, place thing, or situation. 

2. Hope that it will go away. But that’s like hoping for a fairy godmother to rescue you. 

3. Face it and overcome it Discover the foundation of fear. Most of the fears we face every day are not based on facts. They are generated by our feelings. For example, a study conducted by the University of Michigan showed the following: 

• 60 percent of our fears are totally unwarranted; they never come to pass 
• 20 percent of our fears are focused on our past, which is completely out of our control 
• 10 percent of our fears are based on things so petty that they make no difference in our lives 
• Of the remaining 10 percent, only 4 to 5 percent could be considered justifiable.

These statistics show that any time or energy you give to fear is totally wasted and counterproductive 95 percent of the time. 

QUOTES ON FEAR
Nothing is terrible except for fear itself. - Sir Francis Bacon

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt 

There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. - J.F. Kennedy 

The bottom line is that if you can overcome your fear, you can break the cycle and live to see the death of your ignorance and the birth of your success. Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. - Michael Pritchard 

Fear causes people to draw back from situations; it brings on mediocrity; it dulls creativity; it sets one up to be a loser in life. - Fran Tarkenton 

Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe. - John Maxwell 

As long as I continue to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear. - Dr. Susan Jeffries 

The hero and the coward both feel exactly the same fear, only the hero confronts his fear and converts it into fire. - Cus D’Amato (Professional boxing manager) 

The irony is that the successful person who keeps growing, taking risks, and moving forward feels the same feelings of fear as the one who allows fear to stop him. The difference comes because one doesn’t let fear dominate him while the other does. - John Maxwell 

To take the plunge, to start your own company, to shed the comforts of the corporate world, takes guts… It also takes more than a bold decision. - Peter Krass 

Ignorance is bliss. If an entrepreneur knew all the pitfalls he might stumble upon, he’d never get started. - Warren Avis 

I discovered the secret of success: Plunge into the uncomfortable; push… beyond your fears and your sense of limitations. And that’s what I’ve been doing ever since, overcoming my discomfort as I go along. - Barry Diller 

The largest obstacle between you and your goal is a lack of total commitment. Often we use phrases like, “I’ll try’, “I guess I can”, “I hope I can”. But commitment is expressed in two words: I WILL. - Barry Diller

Fear is the opportunity for courage, not proof of cowardice. - John McCain 

Perseverance is a great element of success. If you only knock long enough at the gate, you are sure to wake up somebody. - Longfellow 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which passes all understanding shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. - Philippians 4:6-7 

FEAR IS UNIVERSAL: EXAMPLES OF HISTORICAL FIGURES WITH FEARS
We all have fears. 9 out of 10 people are terrified by the thought of speaking before groups. Some don’t like insects. Others fear heights, deep water, financial problems, aging, or loneliness. 

• Julius Caesar, a powerful military general and Roman emperor, feared thunder. 
• Peter the Great, the czar of Russia and an imposing figure at six five feet tall, was afraid of bridges. He crossed them only when there was no other alternative, and when he did, he trembled and cried like a child. 
• Dr. Samuel Johnson, a British writer and literary critic, had a phobia about entering a room with any foot other than his left foot. Anytime he accidentally entered a room wrong-footed, he backed out and entered again with his right foot. He took wanting to put his best foot forward to a ridiculous extreme!

THE AWAKENING

I received this piece from an online newsletter I’m subscribed to, and I was really blessed by it, hence my decision to share it with you all.

Shalom!

Babatunde

THE AWAKENING

Author Unknown

A time comes in your life when you finally get it...when, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out - ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change...or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.

You come to terms with the fact that neither of you is Prince Charming or Cinderella and that in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you...and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are ... and that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself...and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it's not always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself...and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties...and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.

And you begin to sift through all the junk you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, how much you should weigh, what you should wear, what you should do for a living, how much money you should make, what you should drive, how and where you should live, who you should marry, the importance of having and raising children, and what you owe your parents, family, and friends.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with ... and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.

You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop manoeuvring through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing.

You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the stake.

Then you learn about love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away.

You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. And you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs.

You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK....and that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things you want ... and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity and respect and you won't settle for less.

And you learn that your body really is your temple. And you begin to care for it and treat it with respect.

You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you believe you deserve...and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline and perseverance. You also learn that no one can do it all alone...and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is the greatest robber baron of all: FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your own terms.

And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people.

On these occasions you learn not to personalize things. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state - the ego.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best you can.

IN SEARCH OF CAREER OR BUSINESS SUCCESS? LOOK HERE:

When seeking the roadmap to success in career and business, you must essentially look in three places:

1. LOOK UP: to God for instructions, the blueprint of what you are meant to do, the direction detailing how you are to go about it, when, where, and for His favour,

2. LOOK INWARD: inside yourself and do a written inventory of your strengths, your skills, your flairs, your talents and the gifts of God in you that have commercial potential, and finally

3. LOOK OUT: for opportunities in the marketplace where the application of your endowments will prove both useful and profitable. Look out for people who can be of use to you as service providers, mentors, strategic partners, amongst others.

These three steps are by no means exhaustive in accomplishing business/career success. But they sure can get you on the path if you do them rightly.

To your success!

Babatunde

WHAT ABOUT ASKING "WHAT DO MEN WANT"?

This is my response to an email in the NIGERIAN CHRISTIAN SINGLES FORUM [http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nigerianxtiansingles/message/4384]. I hope you'll find it helpful.

Hi Guys,

I have followed some of the threads in this House with keen interest, especially the ones that are gender-sensitive as this particular mail. I also read with similar gusto all the arguments thrown back and forth, nodding at some, imbibing some, and discarding some altogether.

However, am quite alarmed to realise that since the inception this Forum some four years ago, virtually all of the gender-sensitive mails we have received herein are more inclined in favour of the women; it is either "How to Treat a Woman", "What Does A Woman Want", “How To Take Care of A Woman”, "How To Love/Show Affection to a Woman", "How to Choose Your Man" etc etc (There are about 888 mails focused on Women, what they want, desire, like, aim, should go for, should choose, among others, on the message board). And the heated debate that usually ensues when there is a slight counter opinion, especially when a brother flaws some of the positions, is always amusing. No doubt, most of our sisters here are very eloquent; they know how to marshal their arguments and defend their folks. Perhaps this is because women are more vocal than men and tend to express themselves more freely in comparison.

However, after reading this last mail by our dear sister, I began to ruminate over a number of things:

1. Aren’t the women being too self-centred by their obsession with what/who they want, and how/where/why/when they want him?
2. Do women take time to find out what the kind of man they desire want and try work on or adjust themselves to give it/them to him the way he wants it/them?
3. In fact, who should do the wanting/desiring the most, is it the man or the woman? It seems that the clamour of the wants/desires of the women have muffled the voice of some men and bludgeoned them into trying to be desirable and acceptable to the woman at the expense of their own distinct identity.

Going by the origin and the order of creation, it is pertinent to note that a woman was created for the man, not the other way round. I guess that requires reiteration, God created a woman because of the man: to help and complement him in his assignments. I hope our sisters would learn from this and not regard it as some chauvinistic positions.

Having established this foreground, the onus then lies on the woman is to find the man whom she was created/meant to complement; while the man has to seek the woman who will be comparable to him in his God-given assignments.

How each party goes about doing this is a discussion for another day. But suffice to say that this primarily hinges on the discovery and fulfilling of one’s PURPOSE in life [You may read my blog post on the phenomenon of purpose here http://macbethology.blogspot.com/2008/06/23-facts-about-your-purpose-in-life.html).

A man that has discovered and is living his purpose in life will be able to identify the woman who will be comparable to him as a wife. Similarly, a woman who knows the calling of God upon her life will instinctively know “the man” when he surfaces in her world. This is beyond such superficial factors, such as physical and/or mental attributes, that are being bandied around in email forwards and other public spaces.

My thinking is that if women (especially those who are yet to marry) can take time to reflect on these and do an honest appraisal/inventory, attracting and identifying the so called Mr. Right will not be an incubus.

Please let’s take our attention off the shadows and focus on the substance.

Shalom!

Babatunde

ADDING VALUE

TIPS FOR MAKING YOUR LIFE COUNTS

- Babatunde Oladele

You are adding value to people when your encounters with them make their eyes shine brightly, make them smile, make them say “thank you,” make them eager to talk to you or desire to be in your company.

On the other hand, you are depleting from people if every day your encounters with them make them frown, make them look or groan, “Oh no, not again!” make them say “I’m sorry” quite often, or they avoid you as much as they can.

THE KEYWORD TO PERSONAL GROWTH

The keyword to personal growth

By Babatunde Oladele

Personal growth, or self-development, is a field of study that crystallised into an industry some decades ago. Ever since then, volumes of thoughts have been expressed on it in various forms, such as books, essays, CDs and multimedia tools, among several others. And many persons have risen to the status of expert in it, and thereby earn their living.

Personal development, in all ramifications (spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, social), is the foundation stone for all accomplishments. Many people are bewildered about how to pursue personal development because they tend to see it as an end in itself, and do not realise that it is the means to an end – be it success, wealth, promotion, balance etc. Adding credence to this, James Allen in his all-time classic, As A Man Thinketh, says, “Men are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they therefore remain bound.”

Jim Rohn, a leading authority in the field of self-growth, says that the key to wealth and happiness is to ‘work harder on yourself than you do on your job’. He then expatiates thus:

What you become is far more important than what you get. The important question to ask on the job is not, “What am I getting?” Instead, you should ask, “What am I becoming? “Getting and becoming are like Siamese twins: what you have today you have attracted by becoming the person you are today… Income rarely exceeds personal development. Sometimes income takes a lucky jump, but unless you learn to handle the responsibilities that come with it, it will usually shrink back to the amount you can handle… It is hard to keep that which has not been obtained through personal development.

The word of Jim Rohn sheds light on the importance of self-grooming toward attaining those ends that are the target of the daily pursuits of most men. Success, wealth, promotion, balance and the rest should therefore not be your focus; rather you should be committed to a disciplined and sustained cultivation of your person.

To achieve this, you need to break out of your comfort zone, query some of your traditional mindsets and stretch beyond your imaginary limits to the realm of can-be. One word that must be your driving force – which I call the keyword to personal growth – is “more”, “more”, and “more.” To this end, you would need to:

See more: open your eyes wider and see on a larger scale. Open your inner eye and see beyond the present. See the big picture. See opportunities. See options. See avenues. See possibilities. See greatness. See seeds. See potentials. See, see, and see!

Ask more: ask more questions. Seek more information. Request for more explanation, more clarification. Increase your curiosity. Double your inquisitiveness about everything. By asking more, you get to know more and be more.

Read more: if you do not have a habit of reading, you need to cultivate it. And if you already have, then you need to read more, read wider, read over, read beyond your field. By so doing, you would be cultivating your mind for sound reasoning and better decision-making.

Learn more: you need to increase your bank of knowledge by consciously seeking information on different things, from different sources. Go out and learn more on what you already know, update your mind with the latest information. By learning more, you will become more.

Try more: you might have failed in an endeavour, try again. Explore more options. Try your hands on new things, you don’t have to get it perfect at first or even at all, just do something. Try this, try that, try here, try there. Don’t stop trying, it’s the key to growth and the best way to increase your capacity.

Work more: do more work than you are wont to do. Organise your life and time in such a way that will enable you to get more work done. Do more work than you are paid for. Whatever you are doing, work more at it and don’t rest on your oars.

Do more: take more actions. Expend more efforts. Do one percent more of what you are doing. Increase your action ratio. Go an extra mile; and you are on the path to self-development, happiness and success.

Give more: give more of yourself, give more of your time, give more of your resources to your family, your friends, your work, your church and your society. Don’t stop giving, it is the secret of getting and becoming. So give more.

Be more: be more than you are to yourself, to your family, to your friends, to your company, to your church/society. Be more than “me” to yourself, be your own resource person. Be more than a husband/father to your wife/children, be their mentor. Be more than a wife/mother to your family, be their inspiration. Be more than a friend, be a motivator. Be more than an employee, be a value-adder. Be more than a colleague, be an encourager. Be more than a member in your church/society, be a contributor. Do you understand now? So break out of the status quo and be more to all!

The keyword to personal growth and development is “more”. Always ask yourself ‘what more can I do?’, ‘What more can I be?’, ‘What more can I learn?’, ‘What more can I give?’ etc. You will be amazed at how fast you would grow as well as at what you are able to accomplish.

© All Rights Reserved. 2009

AFTER THE “AHA!” WHAT NEXT?

14 Questions to Help Clarify Your Steps After A Flash of Inspiration

By Babatunde Oladele

We all get a flash of inspiration or an idea to do or run with something from time to time. If you don’t get on it right there and then, some of these ideas thaw in intensity and later disappear into oblivion, some remain subdued at our sub-consciousness, while some are nagging and clamouring for immediate treatment.

It seems there are more cases of the first two categories above than there are the third. And even in the event of the persistent third, it takes some process to transport an idea from the realm of intangibility to the sphere of concrete reality. A course of action is required to transform an inspiration into an expression, a move into a movement.

Below are 14 questions that will help you to clarify your thoughts and define your steps on what to do after a bout of inspiration:

1. What is the assignment?

Answering this question will help you to clearly define and have an insight on what exactly you are required to do.

2. What are the tasks?

This will help you to identify the tasks that are involved in the assignment. The tasks are the bits and pieces of things you will have to do to ensure that you are on track of executing the assignment.

3. What is the purpose?

Knowing the purpose of your assignment will give you a sense of location and direction. It is soothing to the mind to know that one’s actions are premised on a motive that is considered noble or charitable. Knowing the purpose of your assignment gives you a sense of significance for being a contributor to the advancement of the mankind. And when the chips are down, it also gives you reasons to go on.

4. Who are the targets?

You must be able to define your audience, your market or the class of people whom your assignment (campaign, products, and services) will benefit. This is a very critical aspect because the success/failure of your offering, nay your fulfilment/frustration as a pioneer, are largely dependent on identifying the group of people who need your idea or would benefit from your assignment, and then taking your campaign to them.

5. What is the scope?

Knowing the scope of your assignment will also save you a lot of stress and frustration. The scope of your offering may the within your locality, it may also be within your state, region, nation, or continent. Knowing this will help you to plan your move and your scale of operations.

6. What is the platform?

The platform is the means/channel through which you want to execute your action or pass your message to your audience, target, market etc. You need to determine what platform is most suitable to reach your target. And you can’t determine this until you have taken time to study your audience very well that you know their tastes and preferences.

7. What are the modus?

You need also to take time to plan your modus operandi. How do you intend to pass your message across in a way that it would be effectively understood? How would you deliver your offering so that it would be warmly received by your target? How…? How…? How…? The modus questions help you to take care of all matters pertaining to impact in your delivery.

8. When is the time?

Timing is a strategic factor in all endeavours that can either make or mar its outcome altogether. Knowing the time to start, the time to move, the time to charge, the time to pause, the time to withdraw, the time to quit et al requires more than an average thinking.

9. What is my source?

Knowing what gives you inspiration, energy and drive will help you know what to do/where to go whenever you are running dry and need to replenish. So it is in your best interest to identify your source of creative energy before launching out so as not to get bewildered and cut off in the middle way. You should also be able to identify how best you access your source of creative energy.

10. What are the resources?

Knowing the resources that are needed to effectively perform your tasks helps you to know what to look for and what to spend on. By having a holistic inventory of all you need to fulfil your assignment, you are better positioned to kick off on a sure footing. Even if you don’t have all of them at the moment, you know when you would need what and what you can do to improvise along the way.

11. Who are my mentors?

A careful consideration of all the factors above would help you to identify who you need to seek for counsel in your set assignment. You would have also determined what you need to take them on so that you don’t get there and start rambling on irrelevances, wasting both their time and yours in the process. It is always advisable to have highlighted all the other factors before rushing to mentors.

12. Who are my partners?

Taking time to answer all the questions above will also help to determine the kind of people you would need as partners or running mates. Knowing your own areas of strengths and weaknesses is also a critical factor to determining who you seek to partner with you and what skills set you require to deliver on the assignment.

13. What preparations are required?

You will also need to determine the kind of preparation you would need in order to deliver effectively on your assignment. What skills you need to acquire, what training you need to do, what habit you need to acquire/shed etc etc.

14. What knowledge is required?

Acquisition of relevant knowledge is an aspect of preparation. But it deserves to be treated as an independent factor so that it is not abandoned altogether. You need to know the range of information you will require to execute your assignment successfully. You also need to know where you can access this information, whether they are formal or informal settings. What are those things you need to know even before you start? What are the ones you need to acquire on the go?

All these are the questions you would have to answer verifiably to insure your inspiration and ensure that it does not end as “one of those ideas” we all have and don’t give attention to until we see someone else thriving with it.

© All Rights Reserved. 2009