The social
aspect of man describes his relationships with the outside world. The extent to
which man is accepted and esteemed by the society is dependent on the degree of
his integration in the society.
No doubt every
man desires to be liked and appreciated by everyone, although most will deny
this. Carnegie (194:38), while summing this need of man to be liked, cites
Williams James as saying that “the deepest principle in human nature is the
craving to be appreciated”.
Therefore, a
man who wants to be seen as friendly and sociable by his fellow men must be a
good listener. The Bible also lends credence to this verity, saying the man who
would have many friends must himself be friendly (Proverbs 18:24), and being
friendly in this sense means being an empathetic listener. Listening is one of
the ways to appreciate people. Osborne (1997:10), citing Caldwell, beautifully
captures this nature of man thus:
Man
does not need to go to the moon or the solar systems. He does not require bigger and better bombs
and missiles. He will not die if he does not get better housing or more
vitamins…
His
basic needs are few, and it takes a little to acquire them, in spite of the
advertisers. He can survive on a small amount of bread and the meanest
shelter…
His
real need, his most terrible need, is for someone to listen to him, not as a
patient; but as a human soul.
On the other
hand, anyone who continually violates this law of appreciation and always
assumes the centre of all conversations, without leaving room for others to
speak, will have only himself to blame when he discovers that people are
beginning to avoid him like the plague. Carnegie (1940:109) offers an insight
into this situation:
If
you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back
and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk
incessantly about yourself. If you have
an idea while the other fellow is talking, don’t wait for him to finish. He
isn’t as smart as you. Why waste your
time listening to his idle chatter? Burst right in and interrupt him in the
middle of a sentence.
This sarcastic “recipe” underscores
the need for every individual who seeks social integration to be ‘quick to
listen and slow to speak’. If you want people to consider you a good company,
listen to them. Its ingratiating power is amazing.
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