What about Asking "What do Men want"? (Part1)

This is my response to an email in the NIGERIAN CHRISTIAN SINGLES FORUM [http://groups.yahoo.com/group/nigerianxtiansingles/message/4384]. I hope you'll find it helpful.

Hi Guys,

I have followed some of the threads in this House with keen interest, especially the ones that are gender-sensitive as this particular mail. I also read with similar gusto all the arguments thrown back and forth, nodding at some, imbibing some, and discarding some altogether.

However, am quite alarmed to realise that since the inception this Forum some four years ago, virtually all of the gender-sensitive mails we have received herein are more inclined in favour of the women; it is either "How to Treat a Woman", "What Does A Woman Want", “How To Take Care of A Woman”, "How To Love/Show Affection to a Woman", "How to Choose Your Man" etc etc (There are about 888 mails focused on Women, what they want, desire, like, aim, should go for, should choose, among others, on the message board). And the heated debate that usually ensues when there is a slight counter opinion, especially when a brother flaws some of the positions, is always amusing. No doubt, most of our sisters here are very eloquent; they know how to marshal their arguments and defend their folks. Perhaps this is because women are more vocal than men and tend to express themselves more freely in comparison.

However, after reading this last mail by our dear sister, I began to ruminate over a number of things:

1.   Aren’t the women being too self-centred by their obsession with what/who they want, and how/where/why/when they want him?

2.   Do women take time to find out what the kind of man they desire want and try work on or adjust themselves to give it/them to him the way he wants it/them?

3.   In fact, who should do the wanting/desiring the most, is it the man or the woman? It seems that the clamour of the wants/desires of the women have muffled the voice of some men and bludgeoned them into trying to be desirable and acceptable to the woman at the expense of their own distinct identity.

THE WOMAN, THE ECONOMY & THE FAMILY

The Woman
The woman has often been described as “a man with a womb.” She is the specie of mankind whom by virtue of her peculiar physiological features (e.g. the womb) keeps the human race going.

The Role of the Woman in the Economy
The woman is the unseen influence behind every successful man in the society. Therefore, as the mother, the wife, the sister, the daughter, or a relative of the men at the corridors of power, the woman is better positioned to influence certain economic policies that will turn out in the best interest of all.

The woman, by virtue of her natural intuitiveness, is more equipped to pursue certain courses that will enhance the economy than the man who is usually more logical in reasoning and action.

The woman performs the dual role of a driver as well as a support system in the economy.

As a driver – the woman facilitates the economic chain through her enterprise in business and in the workplace. The woman also functions as a support system towards the growth and development of the economy.

THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE (PART 4)

QUOTES ON FEAR
Nothing is terrible except for fear itself. - Sir Francis Bacon

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt

There are risks and costs to a program of action, but they are far less than the long-range risks and costs of comfortable inaction. - J.F. Kennedy

The bottom line is that if you can overcome your fear, you can break the cycle and live to see the death of your ignorance and the birth of your success. Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed. - Michael Pritchard

Fear causes people to draw back from situations; it brings on mediocrity; it dulls creativity; it sets one up to be a loser in life. - Fran Tarkenton

Fear is interest paid on a debt you may not owe. - John Maxwell

As long as I continue to stretch my capabilities, as long as I continue to take risks in making my dreams come true, I am going to experience fear. - Dr. Susan Jeffries

The hero and the coward both feel exactly the same fear, only the hero confronts his fear and converts it into fire. - Cus D’Amato (Professional boxing manager)

The irony is that the successful person who keeps growing, taking risks, and moving forward feels the same feelings of fear as the one who allows fear to stop him. The difference comes because one doesn’t let fear dominate him while the other does. - John Maxwell

THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE (PART 3)

ANTIDOTES
Dream: Your dream is one of the most effective antidotes for fear. It can fuel the flames of desire within you until you are willing to confront and overcome your fear. Your dream can help you go where you are afraid to go and do what you are afraid to do. Your dream can provide the spark that will turn your fear to fire.

Action: Action is the only antidote for fear. Act in spite of fear, and the death of fear is certain. When it comes to dealing with fear, you have 3 choices:

1. Try to avoid it altogether. But that means staying away from every known or potential fear-producing person, place thing, or situation.

2. Hope that it will go away. But that’s like hoping for a fairy godmother to rescue you.

3. Face it and overcome it Discover the foundation of fear. Most of the fears we face every day are not based on facts. They are generated by our feelings. For example, a study conducted by the University of Michigan showed the following: 

• 60 percent of our fears are totally unwarranted; they never come to pass 
• 20 percent of our fears are focused on our past, which is completely out of our control 
• 10 percent of our fears are based on things so petty that they make no difference in our lives 
• Of the remaining 10 percent, only 4 to 5 percent could be considered justifiable.

These statistics show that any time or energy you give to fear is totally wasted and counterproductive 95 percent of the time.

THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE (PART 2)

EFFECTS OF FEAR
No matter how foolish or humorous another person’s fears may seem to us, our own seem serious. If allowed to control our lives, fear can be a permanent detour on the success journey, stopping us from making any progress.

Fear breeds Inaction Inaction leads to Lack of Experience Lack of Experience fosters Ignorance; and Ignorance breeds Fear - John Maxwell

OTHER EFFECTS OF FEAR

• Procrastination
• Sluggishness
• Not taking Initiative
• Laziness & Indecision
• Timidity
• Introversion
• Reticence (Uncommunicative)
• Inactivity 

THE FEAR FACTOR IN LIFE (PART 1)

What is Fear?
The overriding cause of fear is excessive preoccupation with the Self.

Types of Fear: 
1. Fear of Failure
2. Fear of Making Mistakes
3. Fear of rejection
4. Fear of change
5. Fear of confrontation
6. Fear of loss
7. Fear of success!
8. Fear of the Unknown

The biggest barrier that most people have to overcome is fear. It is this fear (and all of its cousins like worry, anxiety, and self-doubt) that paralyses you, and keeps you from succeeding.

Discovering Your Potential And Living It (Part 3)

Adventure is an attitude that we must apply to the day to day obstacles of life - facing new challenges, seizing new opportunities, testing our resources against the unknown and in the process, discovering our own unique potential. John Amatt No one fulfils his purpose, develops his potential, or consistently help others without goals. Your goals determine your priorities – and your priorities determine whether you’ll reach your goals. John Maxwell Nothing is more effective when it comes to reaching potential than commitment to personal growth. John Maxwell Continuous effort -- not strength or intelligence -- is the key to unlocking our potential. Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965) British prime minister during WWII I’d rather reach 90 percent of my potential with plenty of mistakes than reach only 10 percent with a perfect score. John Maxwell To keep moving to a higher level and reach your potential, you… have to be willing to… trade security for significance. John Maxwell We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential. Ellen Goodman