Speaking can
be a great social asset to anyone who uses it wisely. This presupposes that
there are unwise uses of the mouth. Some of the ways words can be used unwisely
include:
§ Criticism
and condemnation
§ Argument
§ Insulting
or Abusing another/Denigration of another person.
On the other
hand, the productive use of the spoken words can enhance one’s social
acceptance and integration. Some of the positive uses of the tongue towards
social development are:
§ Encouragement
or positive reinforcement
§ Appreciation
of the other person
§ Counsel
and advice
Let us first
examine the various wrong uses of the words in social interaction: Criticism is
one thing most of us find so easy to do: we criticize the government, we
criticize our friends and colleagues, we criticize our leaders and bosses; and
we criticize people who are not even remotely related to us. However, the
amusing part of this is that most of us never or rarely criticize ourselves. We
are the saints in the spectrum of our own opinion.
Meanwhile, if
you must fare well in the society of men, one lesson you must learn very well
is how to keep your critical opinion of others to yourself; you must learn to
be less judgmental and accept people for what they are, warts and all. Just
like you and I, people rarely criticize themselves for whatever reason. If
asked, everyone would proffer a reason for doing whatever they are being
criticized for - irrespective of how unreasonable it may sound to others. Therefore, criticizing such a person will
definitely not be the best way to ingratiate yourself, but a sure way of ending
up in his black book forever. Carnegie (1940:35) says this better:
If
you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the
decades and endure until death, just let us indulge in a little stinging
criticism – no matter how certain we are that it is justified.
When
dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of
logic. We are dealing with creatures of
emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
This tells us
what a great harm we cause others by indulging in the easy act of
criticism. Anyone who is habitually
critical will not have friends, as people will avoid intimate relationship with
him. For as the Bible says, a man who would have many friends must first make
himself friendly, not by criticism, but by warm disposition.
While
criticism is a negative comment on the action, attitude, works, or behaviour of
someone else, condemnation is a judgmental remark about someone’s personality.
Condemnation is stronger and more dangerous than criticism because of its
directness.
Anyone who is
critical will also be judgmental. And a judgmental person rarely has friends
due to his disposition. People avoid such a person like a plague because they
are not usually good company to have around. A critical and judgmental person
cannot integrate well in the society because people will not accept him except
they have no choice.
Besides,
habitually condemning others is playing God. This, in itself, is a most
grievous offence because there is no perfect person under heaven, and so no
mortal has the locus standi to judge the personality of another.
Moreover, the only perfect Person Who has ever lived did not go around
condemning people in His days, which makes it more unjustifiable for any lesser
mortal to do so; instead He welcomed all to Himself and was especially friendly
with those who were considered outcast in the society because of their
intolerable vices.
The case of a
woman who was “caught in the very act” of adultery was particularly striking in
this instance. Knowing His disposition
to all sinners, the Pharisees and experts in the law dragged the woman to Him
desiring to hear His opinion before they go ahead anyway to stone her to death
as the law decreed for such offence:
They said to
Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses,
in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do you say?” This
they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him.
But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He
did not hear. So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said
to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throne a stone at her
first”. And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard
it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with
the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing
in the midst. When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He
said to her, “woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned
you?” She said, “No one, Lord”. And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I
condemn you; go and sin no more. (John 8:4-11).