Thursday, 22 March 2018

Writing For Personal Development


The Cambridge International Dictionary of English (1996:1692) defines writing as “the activity of creating pieces of writing work, such as stories, poems or articles”.  In the words of Beck et al (2002:31), “writing is a method of passing information from one person to another, or to a group of people”. They however did not limit writing’s function to information alone, as they also cite persuasion and entertainment as veritable resources to which writing can be put to.

Of the four communication skills, writing is the least utilized for obvious reasons. It requires a great expenditure of time and mental efforts to write. It is a process of drafting, editing, and redrafting to usually arrive at an acceptable finished product. The more reason it has been a highly prized communication skill throughout history. Its mastery confers great powers and influence on whoever possesses it (Beck et al, 2002), Hence the popular saying that “the pen is mightier than the sword”.

The beauty of writing is not usually in its volumes, but in the style and the effectiveness of the content in achieving the set objective(s) of the writer. Effective writing essentially thrives on clarity, precision, and conciseness. In the words of Adesanoye (1995:115):

Effective writing…is a piece of written communication that conveys its message in the simplest, clearest, most concise and most readable way possible. It is also that piece of writing in which the manner of expression dovetails perfectly with the subject matter; one in which…there is a close fit between what and how.
Simplicity, clarity, readability and conciseness are thus the hallmarks of effective writing.

With this background on writing, we shall now proceed to highlight how it can be used for various forms of personal development.

Writing aids the development of the mental faculty because, more than any communication effort, it involves a lot of thinking. The writer often finds himself writing, cancelling and rewording his expressions in the effort to choose the words that will most suitably convey his heart to his reader(s). In the process of doing this, he regularly consult the dictionary and thesaurus, thereby increasing his bank of vocabulary while at the same time honing his intellect.

Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Reading For Personal Development


Reading is perhaps the most influential of the communication skills in the development of the individual. Reading, like listening, is a receptive communication skill. It is done by consciously inputting information into one’s consciousness through the eyes and the brain. The more of it you do, the better, improved, enhanced, and versatile you will become.

There is no way we can talk about reading in isolation of books. Books are the main objects in a reading exercise, and a very important one too. Explaining the role of the book in attaining development of any kind, Dr. Alex Ekwueme, cited by Adesanoye (1995:2), says:

In as much as education is the backbone of… development, and the book is the principal element in the educational process, the book deserves a place of honour in our…(personal) priorities. The book is a passport to the world, an indispensable vehicle of science, a storehouse and conveyor of culture and information, and a vital ingredient for development. The importance of books in the development of man and in the fulfilment of his potential can never, therefore, be overstressed.

It is a popular saying that “readers are leaders”. Therefore, anyone who desires to build a life of prominence must cultivate the habit of reading. Someone, somewhere has documented in a book all you need to succeed in life or solve a particular problem. The onus, therefore, lies on you to seek the relevant publications that address your issues, read and apply their principles. To underscore this position, Rohn (2005b) says:

All of the books that we will ever need to make us as rich, as healthy, as happy, as powerful, as sophisticated and as successful as we want to be have already been written.
People from all walks of life, people with some of the most incredible life experiences, people that have gone from pennies to fortune and from failure to success have taken the time to write down their experience so that we can be inspired by it [sic], and instructed by it [sic], and so that we can amend our philosophy by it [sic]. Their contributions enable us to reset our sail based upon their experiences. They have handed us the gift of their insights so that we can arrange our plans, if need be, in order to avoid their errors. We can rearrange our lives based on their wise advice.

However, it is unfortunate that most people do not read except they are compelled to, usually for academic reasons. The reading culture, especially in this part of the world, is at the lowest ebb. People place more importance on other activities rather than reading. It is in this part of the world that we have many literate illiterates. These are people who can amply be described by the aphorism that says “he who does not read has no advantage over him who cannot read”. Illiteracy consists not only in the inability to read and write alone, rather, a person who can read and write but who do not put these skills to use is as illiterate as the one who cannot.

Tuesday, 20 March 2018

Speaking for Social Integration


Speaking can be a great social asset to anyone who uses it wisely. This presupposes that there are unwise uses of the mouth. Some of the ways words can be used unwisely include:
§  Criticism and condemnation
§  Argument
§  Insulting or Abusing another/Denigration of another person.

On the other hand, the productive use of the spoken words can enhance one’s social acceptance and integration. Some of the positive uses of the tongue towards social development are:
§  Encouragement or positive reinforcement
§  Appreciation of the other person
§  Counsel and advice

Let us first examine the various wrong uses of the words in social interaction: Criticism is one thing most of us find so easy to do: we criticize the government, we criticize our friends and colleagues, we criticize our leaders and bosses; and we criticize people who are not even remotely related to us. However, the amusing part of this is that most of us never or rarely criticize ourselves. We are the saints in the spectrum of our own opinion.

Meanwhile, if you must fare well in the society of men, one lesson you must learn very well is how to keep your critical opinion of others to yourself; you must learn to be less judgmental and accept people for what they are, warts and all. Just like you and I, people rarely criticize themselves for whatever reason. If asked, everyone would proffer a reason for doing whatever they are being criticized for - irrespective of how unreasonable it may sound to others.  Therefore, criticizing such a person will definitely not be the best way to ingratiate yourself, but a sure way of ending up in his black book forever. Carnegie (1940:35) says this better:

If you and I want to stir up a resentment tomorrow that may rankle across the decades and endure until death, just let us indulge in a little stinging criticism – no matter how certain we are that it is justified. 
When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic.  We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.

This tells us what a great harm we cause others by indulging in the easy act of criticism.  Anyone who is habitually critical will not have friends, as people will avoid intimate relationship with him. For as the Bible says, a man who would have many friends must first make himself friendly, not by criticism, but by warm disposition.

While criticism is a negative comment on the action, attitude, works, or behaviour of someone else, condemnation is a judgmental remark about someone’s personality. Condemnation is stronger and more dangerous than criticism because of its directness.

Anyone who is critical will also be judgmental. And a judgmental person rarely has friends due to his disposition. People avoid such a person like a plague because they are not usually good company to have around. A critical and judgmental person cannot integrate well in the society because people will not accept him except they have no choice.

Besides, habitually condemning others is playing God. This, in itself, is a most grievous offence because there is no perfect person under heaven, and so no mortal has the locus standi to judge the personality of another. Moreover, the only perfect Person Who has ever lived did not go around condemning people in His days, which makes it more unjustifiable for any lesser mortal to do so; instead He welcomed all to Himself and was especially friendly with those who were considered outcast in the society because of their intolerable vices.

The case of a woman who was “caught in the very act” of adultery was particularly striking in this instance.  Knowing His disposition to all sinners, the Pharisees and experts in the law dragged the woman to Him desiring to hear His opinion before they go ahead anyway to stone her to death as the law decreed for such offence:

They said to Him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act. Now Moses, in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned. But what do you say?” This they said, testing Him, that they might have something of which to accuse Him. But Jesus stooped down and wrote on the ground with His finger, as though He did not hear. So when they continued asking Him, He raised Himself up and said to them, “He who is without sin among you, let him throne a stone at her first”. And again He stooped down and wrote on the ground. Then those who heard it, being convicted by their conscience, went out one by one, beginning with the oldest even to the last. And Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. When Jesus had raised Himself up and saw no one but the woman, He said to her, “woman, where are those accusers of yours? Has no one condemned you?”  She said, “No one, Lord”.  And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more. (John 8:4-11).

Monday, 19 March 2018

Speaking for Emotional Development


Self-disclosure is perhaps the most important way to use the spoken words for emotional wholeness. Tardy and Dindia (1997:213) define self-disclosure as “the process whereby people verbally reveal themselves to others”. Many people have bottled-up secrets, fears, and feelings of inadequacy which they would not share/reveal with/to someone else for fear of being rejected or dropping in such person’s esteem. And so they continue to tag along in life, wearing cheerful countenance, preferring to bear alone the agony of their challenges rather than the risk of sharing it with someone else.

Osborne (1997:9), remarking on this phenomenon, says:

Each of us is in a state of tension between the need to reveal and the need to conceal ourselves.  We have an urge to share our true feelings, but we fear that we shall become vulnerable, that we shall be rejected or criticized.  As a result, we tend to settle for commonplace discussions about the superficialities of life.

Most people are ignorant of the fact that such dammed up tensions may lead to all kinds of neurosis or outright insanity. The best way, therefore, to attain emotional healthiness is to have one or two confidante(s) among your friends whom you can unburden to regularly. The irony of self-disclosure is that the revelation that most fear would drive people away from them usually have the opposite effect, as the person entrusted with such confidence about the weaknesses and inadequacies of his friend usually ends up understanding, respecting and loving him the more. Osborne (1997:23-24) further expatiates on this:

Invisible barriers prevent us from knowing and loving each other… loneliness and sense of isolation are experienced by reluctance to reveal ourselves to others for fear of rejection… the more others learn about us, the easier it is for them to accept and love us.  No one can love a mask. As we remove our mask we find ourselves being accepted at a new level… You may never have thought of yourself as lonely, but the feeling is there just the same, unless you have broken through the barrier of your fear of rejection.  And when you can reveal your true self, however slightly, you will find yourself accepted and loved at a new level…. you will come to know yourself, while revealing yourself to others for fear of being known by others is no greater than our fear of knowing ourselves.

The second way to use speaking for emotional development is through affirmation. Affirmation is the act of stating as obvious what you want to be, even when all indications are pointing to the contrary. Fieger (2004), commenting on this concept says:

The words you speak, to yourself and others, define the quality and the content of your thoughts and beliefs, AND, they affirm your reality. Therefore, you must always talk about that which you desire to be made manifest in your life.  Why waste your breath talking about trivialities, when you can be talking about what is really important to you?

Although the concept of affirmation may sound nonsensical to some people, the truth is that it holds a great potential for personal transformation for anyone who faithfully observes it. A man who cultivates the habit of speaking positively (to himself) in terms of what he is getting or doing rather than what he does not have is sure to have a positive attitude. He will also have Providence opening his generous doors to him at every turn. While the man who incessantly bemoans his lack and inabilities may never cease experiencing difficulties. The Bible sums up this human experience thus: “The power of life and death is in the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit (Proverbs 18:21).

Friday, 16 March 2018

Listening for Professional Development


No doubt we spend most hours of our days on our job, and a greater percentage of those hours are spent listening to our superiors, our colleagues, our subordinates, and even our clients and customers.  If you want to be the toast of your colleagues and clients, simply listen to them. Apart from this, the habit of attentive listening enhances your personal competence and performance on the job. The man who listens well will perform better than his colleagues who are less attentive. To this effect, Hybels and Weaver (2001:70) say:

Researchers have found that there is a direct connection between good listening skills and productivity on the job. When employees were given training in listening before they received training in computer techniques, they were more productive than employees who hadn’t had the listening training.

In a related comment, Carnegie (1940:102) quotes Eliot to have said: “there is no mystery about successful business intercourse… Exclusive attention to the person who is speaking to you is very important.  Nothing else is as flattering as that”.

The importance of attentive listening for productivity at the workplace cannot be overstressed. By listening attentively to your superiors, you will always get the details of their instructions and carry out tasks with little or no mistake; by listening empathetically to your colleagues and subordinates, you are better positioned to help and/or enhance them to perform better; by patiently listening to your clients, you are able to get the essential feedback you need to improve your product or service and this will ultimately increase your bottom line.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

Listening for Social Integration


The social aspect of man describes his relationships with the outside world. The extent to which man is accepted and esteemed by the society is dependent on the degree of his integration in the society.

No doubt every man desires to be liked and appreciated by everyone, although most will deny this. Carnegie (194:38), while summing this need of man to be liked, cites Williams James as saying that “the deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated”.

Therefore, a man who wants to be seen as friendly and sociable by his fellow men must be a good listener. The Bible also lends credence to this verity, saying the man who would have many friends must himself be friendly (Proverbs 18:24), and being friendly in this sense means being an empathetic listener. Listening is one of the ways to appreciate people. Osborne (1997:10), citing Caldwell, beautifully captures this nature of man thus:

Man does not need to go to the moon or the solar systems.  He does not require bigger and better bombs and missiles. He will not die if he does not get better housing or more vitamins…
His basic needs are few, and it takes a little to acquire them, in spite of the advertisers. He can survive on a small amount of bread and the meanest shelter… 
His real need, his most terrible need, is for someone to listen to him, not as a patient; but as a human soul.

On the other hand, anyone who continually violates this law of appreciation and always assumes the centre of all conversations, without leaving room for others to speak, will have only himself to blame when he discovers that people are beginning to avoid him like the plague. Carnegie (1940:109) offers an insight into this situation:

If you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh at you behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: Never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself.  If you have an idea while the other fellow is talking, don’t wait for him to finish. He isn’t as smart as you.  Why waste your time listening to his idle chatter? Burst right in and interrupt him in the middle of a sentence.

This sarcastic “recipe” underscores the need for every individual who seeks social integration to be ‘quick to listen and slow to speak’. If you want people to consider you a good company, listen to them. Its ingratiating power is amazing.

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Listening for Mental and Emotional Development


A good listening habit is one of the indications of good breeding. Since the mental faculty, the Central Processing Unit (CPU) of the body can only retain and process the message or information inputted into it - as well as be enriched by it – it behoves every individual to cultivate a good listening habit by:
§  Paying attention and showing interest in the message being transmitted
§  Indicate to the speaker if he is understanding the message or not, and
§  Showing how he is reacting to the message by non-verbal cues (Beck et al, 2002).
The first way to use the listening skill to enhance your mental faculty and ensure a wholesome being is by being selective about what you listen to.  There is no better way to keep your mind healthy than to choose what you listen to. Knowledge is the food of the soul, just as the body thrives on viands and adornments.  However, it is not all the information that one is exposed to that he should listen to, for as the saying goes, ‘garbage in, garbage out’.  What you feed your brain is what you will express in speech or behaviour.

So, the first rule for using listening to achieve mental and emotional development is to choose what you listen to.  Platitudes and other forms of debased communication do nothing good to the soul.  They must therefore not be entertained, otherwise, the mind will process them, deposit them in the mental and emotion realm, and the man will live them eventually.

Capturing this phenomenon in another words, Allen (1902:4-5), in his timeless classic, says:

‘Men themselves are makers of themselves’ by virtue of the thoughts which they choose and encourage…(The) mind is the master weaver, both of the inner garment of character and the outer garment of circumstance...
As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This applies equally to those acts called “spontaneous” and “unpremeditated” as to those which are deliberately executed

Another way to enhance your mental and emotional capacity through listening is by attending seminars, lectures, workshops, conferences, and other intellect-simulating fora. By so doing, you will continually cultivate your mind, widen your horizon, and school your emotion, which is at best erratic.